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Karate Class?

For several months I considered taking a karate class, because of all of the riots and murders in our nation. For me, it was best to be prepared when things go south. I looked at places in my town where karate classes were being held. Some schools, such as “Champion Karate”, “Master Shin’s Karate” or, “Killer Blow Karate”, all seemed to help in disabling an opponent, but I felt like I needed a class for beginners. When I searched a little more, I discovered an odd named one called, “Road Runner Elementary Karate School.”

I called this school and asked if I could visit to see for myself if it could teach me to hold my own. The school’s lead instructor, a Mr. “Tojo Dojo”, owner of the school said they would be teaching a beginner’s class in one hour. I told him I would be there.

As I drove down a few miles to the school, I wondered if this school was for me and if I was in shape. As soon as I arrived, I parked in front of the school, which was located along a row of stores. I walked in and saw about 10 adult students who wore white belts: beginner level.

I saw Mr. “Dojo” and reminded him that I had called earlier to watch his class. He invited me into the classroom on which thick plastic mats had been laid down.

At 3:00 pm, Mr. Dojo yelled at the class to stand in a straight line. They bowed politely to him. Then everyone did stretching exercises. After 15 minutes, Dojo called every student to find a buddy. “Now,” he said, remember what we practiced last time. One of you pretend that you are holding a knife about to stab your partner. So, victims, get ready into position!”

Just then, the “victims” put their hands up as if to lay some move down on the one holding the knife. Then, the victims got down on their knees, raised their hands like they were praying and said, “Please! Don’t kill me!! Take my money!”

Dojo said, “Very good, students. Practice this several times, then we’ll go on. Remember to beg loudly to get a stranger’s attention who will call for help.”

In a few minutes, Dojo called everyone to stand in a straight line and told everyone to get another partner. “This time, the aggressor will put the victim in a chokehold with your arm around his head.”

So, the student playing the aggressor took their right arm and wrapped them around the victim. Dojo told them to hold them tightly around the heads. He said, “Now, victims! Play like you’re going limp. Aggressors, loosen your grip! Victims, fall to the ground and look like you’re dead!”

Dojo encouraged them to do this several times until he yelled to them to get back into line formation.

“Now! Students! Everyone, choose a partner again. I have several fake rubber snakes over in the corner. I want you to practice holding them in a pocket that you’ll pretend to have and throw the fake snake at your partner. This is what you need to practice, it’s called ‘The Viper’.”

“Very good, students! You’re getting closer to getting your new yellow belts next week! Congratulations!”

After witnessing these marvelous techniques, I went out and signed up for a lesson.